You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
