That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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