i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
