The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
