You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
