if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
