she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
