I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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