I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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