haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
