I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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