UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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