Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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