It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
