guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
