I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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