His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
