you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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