Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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