There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
