Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
