Your mouth is God's brothel.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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