you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
