The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
