So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
