I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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