who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
