I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
