I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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