just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
