It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
