I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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