so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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