omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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