i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
