She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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