Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
