I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
