Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
