remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
