I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
