There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
