So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
