Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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