I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
