Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
