Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
