Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
