Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
