i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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