I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
