I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
