dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
