Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
