tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
