cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
