i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
